User blog:Kuhlau/Improving Chapter 8
Hi guys, it has been a while since I last made a plot based blog post, but I have more thoughts! I have been somewhat critical of Chapter 8 Mysterious Moonlit City before, with my primary concern being that, imo, it "doesn't advance the plot". Why is this? Well, here is a brief summary of why Chapter 8 exists. In Chapter 7, Lunar finds out that something is "up" with the Silk Shop. She rushes off to Moonlit City, and at the end of 7, Nikki and her friends decide to follow her to find out what is going on. Once they reach Moonlit City, they discover that Lunar has been KIDNAPPED (!!!), her family's store ROBBED (!!!), and the Mayor is acting weird. Well, actually, it was all a ruse the whole time and the Mayor and Lunar were just PRETENDING that all of those things happened to deceive Mela. In reality, all the good stuff was hidden. Why do I hate this? Because honestly, Nikki has no part in any of it. She affects nothing and by the end of the chapter, everything is as it is, with nothing lost, nothing gained. We don't even get to see Mela's reaction by the end, it is all essentially forgotten in the story after this. However, some good things happen in this chapter. We meet Orlando! And he also gives us some insight into the Phantom Thief family, Lisa, and even the Lilith government. Also, we actually meet Lisa as well. And finally, the plot left from Chapter 3 is resolved. However, I have my own issues with Chapter 2-3's plot, so I would definitely somehow move this section of Chapter 8 to Chapter 3. In fact, here is one possibility showing how those two chapters could go. * Chapter 2: Nikki and co go to attend the play in Cicia, Candy Witch and Star Sea. However, they are being plagued by the looming threat of the PT family. During the live performance, the dress is stolen, but Nikki and co apprehend the "thief" Lisa and retrieve the dress. (basically current Chapters 2 and 3 smushed into one) * Chapter 3: For the remaining performances, Orlando is sent by Nidhogg to be the backup theater manager, and he meets Nikki and co. Dress up shenanigans ensue. At the end of the chapter, they have their 8-S2 encounter with Lisa where they find out the truth behind the cover up. Okay, so now that that is out of Chapter 8, what about the rest? Well, I understand why they included this, actually. They need to show some of Lunar's life in order to make us care about her before she's killed. So I fully support going to Moonlit City, meeting the Mayor and seeing the Silk Shop. However, I don't understand the need to have the action begin before Nikki gets there. Bobo is not even the one who suggests they follow Lunar to Moonlit City - it's Lu Yinian! (So it is not actually because of Bobo's mission to involve Nikki in Miraland's conflict.) The entirety of Chapter 8 would have already been better if it went like this; # Lunar stays with them during Chapter 7 (I like this even more when considering my ideal rewritten Chapter 7, in which Bai Yongxi comes after Bai Jinjin instead and some of the "dress up as each other" plot is moved to Chapter 5) # At the end she invites them to Moonlit City with her to show them her home, the silk shop, and of course the famous Cloud Calico. # They get there and oh no! They've just received word that Mela is going to ransack the city for their goods! # Lunar comes up with the idea of cooperating with the Mayor, and Nikki actually helps them carry out this plan, preferably by coming with them to help convince the Mayor. # They talk to Mela briefly, who is convinced she's bringing back the most high quality spices and silk to Elle. Potentially, add in an "oh no, we need to get to the FSC because Elle might strike back when she finds out what we've done!" prompting them to leave Moonlit City. This fixes the "Nikki does nothing" dilemma, and even though on the surface everything did end up mostly the same as in the first scenario, you can sort of see the story progression better. Also, it has much better character building moments for Lunar since she's actually there. It's nice and all that they are worried about Lunar in the current Chapter 8, but it feels like sometimes all they do is worry about her, when in fact she was a very capable designer and strategizer, and has been since her adolescence. Her actions weren't changed - we just get to see them better instead of another crappy infodump at the end of the chapter. Which is another weakness with the story writing I absolutely loathe. Can you even count how many chapters have the plot of "you think it's like this, but in the end you find out it's like this, and they dump all the information to you in the last stage!" Even one of my favorite chapters, Chapter 6, is basically this - though imo it is a lot better foreshadowed, as Nikki and co suspected "The Truth" several stages before "The Truth". Anyways, this ended up much longer than I thought, and I may add more to this later as I feel like I have more thoughts but can't think of them at the moment. Thanks if you read this, and let me know your thoughts in the comments below! Or on Discord if you prefer. :3c Category:Blog posts